Here's the truth:
- In a great relationship, both people are happy.
- If you're experiencing stress of tension about what's happening (not not happening!) in your sex life, at least one of you is not happy about how things are.
How are you going to have a truly great relationship if your sex life isn't working for both of you?
A thriving sex life doesn't just happen...
It needs to be recreated over the life of your relationship.
There are Legitimate Obstacles To Sexual Desire That Must Be Addressed if You Actually Expect to Get the Sex Life You (And Your Partner) Want!
Lacking Desire Kinda Sucks. Especially if you know that your partner is unhappy, right?!
Having a Partner Who Isn't Interested in Sex Feels Like Rejection. Especially if you know that your partner is going through the motions or avoiding it.
And it can be confusing when the rest of your relationship basically works well. How can you love each other and be so good together, and yet struggle with SEX?
Which of these apply to you?
- You (or your partner) feel guilty over lack of desire
- You worry about your partner's satisfaction with your sex life
- You want sex to be an easy and relaxed part of your relationship
- You're a great couple in so many other ways but struggle with sex and desire
- Your friends would have no idea that the two of you almost never have sex or that it's such an issue
- You want to feel as close, connected, and secure in your relationship as possible
- You are confused about your (or your partner's) lack of interest. How can someone struggle with lack of desire when it used to come so easily?
If this is you, I've got you! And if you’re like most of the couples I work with, you want sex to be fun and easy...
...not just keep feeling like you're checking a box
Whether you are young and totally in love, been together for a while and have a solid foundation (though maybe you just feel like best friends or even roommates), OR have spent a lifetime together full of love and respect...SEXUAL DESIRE DOES NOT JUST HAPPEN NATURALLY!
Think about it! You don’t look forward to going to the gym if you're tired or your knee hurts or you feel self-conscious in your gym clothes or you'd just rather just sleep, do you?
NO! Of course not! So why would you be surprised that you don't just go skipping off to the bedroom if it feels like work?
If you're doing this...
(Simply putting sex on the calendar) then...
You're treating sex like something that just needs to get done...which increases the sense of obligation.
I mean... has it worked so far? If you’re like most couples who come to start working with me, it’s very likely a “no.”
But this is all ok! Because you've been focusing on the wrong thing!
And changing your focus from just having sex (and then doing things someone doesn't want to do) to both of you actually wanting sex more gives you...
a sex life that delights both you AND your partner!
The irony is that by trying to make sex happen, many of us are having sex that isn't fulfilling to either of us. Neither person is having fun if it's a to-do item!
Here's the truth
A fun and easy sex life doesn't just create pleasure. It also:
Deepens intimacy between you and your partner, creating more connection!
Helps you ditch any sense of obligation or sex feeling like a chore!
Prevents RUPTURES in your relationship when at least one of is unsatisfied!
Creates sex where you cannot fail! There's flexibility in how you can be intimate.
And... it does all of this for you without anyone having do things they don't want to do!
The #1 Mistake Couples Keep Making
When someone struggles with lack of desire, they think something is wrong with them.
They feel guilty that their partner isn't getting their needs met. They feel broken.
It feels like it's all on them. Like they're the problem. And it's on them to fix it.
And if this is you, you already know what a burden this is. The guilt. The shame. The despair. The confusion. And even the resentment that can come from feeling like you're the problem.
And you already know that feeling bad about yourself does NOT help you want to have sex.
It doesn't help that the higher desire partner often believes something is broken, too! This adds to the pressure and the feelings of disappointment and despair.
Or Worse! Mistake #2…
They'll just do it for their partner. They'll show up and just try to have sex, to check that box. They're thinking, "I care about them. I can do this for them." (It starts with good intentions.)
But eventually, they'll start to avoid it. They come to dread Sunday morning if that's when the scheduled it. They'll stop looking forward to date night because thet know their partner is hoping for sex.
That's like going on picnics but never packing anything in the basket for yourself!
It's going to get to the point where they can't stand going on another picnic.
This does not actually make the other person happy! They want a partner who wants to be with them.
Just working on communication DOESN'T work! Some couples recognize that their desire for sex (or lack thereof) is the cause of their unfulfilling sex life, so they decide they just need to learn better communication skills.
But the reality is, getting better at talking about the problem doesn’t make it go away! While those skills are important, they don't do anything to help anyone actually want sex!
Don’t you think learning some "I language" and other communication tools is just a little too good to be true?
In fact, until you FACE the desire discrepancy you have head on, that problem is never going to go away.
And after 11 years of helping clients in my sex therapy practice and writing my book to help even more, it’s as clear and simple as this:
Actually Wanting Sex is the Only Way to Create a Strong Sex Life
Your sex life NEEDS desire and enjoyment for both people. You and your partner DESERVE a strong intimate connection!
How else are you going to feel as close and connected as you know you can if you can’t connect in the bedroom?!
But when you keep experiencing sex as a chore (or worse, something to be avoided), you and your partner never get to SHARE sex as a strength in your relationship! Instead, it saps the strength out of it. It casts a dark shadow over all the other pieces that work so well. Heck! It can even crack the foundation of your security!
What happens when more time goes by and sex is just stressful?
Or you go weeks, months, or years without sex that feels connecting?
What then? The elephant in the room just gets bigger. Choking out the joy and the laughter and the affection.
But when you LEARN and MASTER the skills of accessing desire, the two of you can enjoy a sex life that feels easy and light! You can focus on the rest of your life since you no longer have to waste your energy with worry, guilt, frustration, disappointment, and fear.
but i get it...
You're Struggling With Desire Discrepancy
but afraid to bring it up or tackle the issue because you don't think there's anything to be done about it. You're living with it for now...
Well, you may be right!
MOST struggling couples exist like this for years, sometimes seeming fine (at least from the outside). But do you really want to wait until it's THAT BAD? Do you want to wait until it might be too late?
Of course not! And no problem just magically goes away while we pretend it isn't there, right?
It is so easy to tell yourself it's okay. To say, "We'll deal with this when the kids get a little older." Or, "Once I'm done with this stressful project at work, I'll have more energy for sex." Or, "I don't want to make my partner feel pressured or bad."
Or even, "Maybe if we just give it time, it'll get better."
BUT...
Are you as close and connected with your partner as you can be? What is happening under the surface of your relationship? How long can your partner go on without a strong intimate relationship with you?
Do you really want a life where the two of you have this stressful, awkward wall between you?
NO!
So What’s More Important?
...that you do *EVERYTHING* you can do to make your relationship totally solid, secure, and connected...
OR that you stay in your comfort zone and keep putting it off, hoping it will change, or pretending like it's all okay?
You want MORE happiness, not less, right?
The reality is, the strength of your sex life has a direct impact on the strength of your relationship! The impact of your lack of desire is like a hairline fracture in a beautiful vase!
So, now that you see just how vital your intimate connection is to your relationship, you may begin to feel the slightly daunting and mysterious task of actually improving it...
AVOIDING SEXUAL ISSUES INCREASES THE PRESSURE YOU FEEL
Do you (or your partner) currently suffer from the "I Could Go My Whole Life Without Sex" Syndrome?
If you’re like most who have read this far, you’re starting to see the importance of a thriving sex life and what it will do to the overall strength and connection of your relationship... but you’re probably imagining yourself facing bedtime while you ask yourself,
“Am I just back here again, needing to have sex so my partner can be happy?!”
OR
"Is this all it's ever going to be?"
Is this going to be stressful for the rest of our lives? Do I really have to think about this all the time?!
It can be so daunting and discouraging that you avoid it, looking for other ways to stay busy and distracted in your life. And I get it.
But here's a little 'Insider Secret' for you:
Getting the relationship you want doesn't mean one of you needs to do things they don't want to do...it means they need to stop doing that!
You see, every time someone participates in sex that they don't really want, they reinforce sex as a chore. As an obligation. And this will kill their desire. And if they keep this up long enough, they will hit a wall where they just can't make themselves do it anymore.
So, it's a little like a riddle:
What is a low desire person supposed to do if they don't want sex yet aren't supposed to do things they don't want to do?
Answer:
Find. Things. They. Want.
What both people enjoy MATTERS. You can remove (or adapt to) any obstacles to your desire, and then you can build a sex life that honors and includes what you find engaging and what you enjoy!
So, what if you had a step-by-step way to find those obstacles? What if you had a process for discovering what would make sex engaging for both of you?
Imagine if you had a way to share sex with your partner where you could never fail... EVEN if one of you hasn't felt desire in a long time!
No more guilt!
No more pressure!
No more disappointment!
No more sex out of obligation!
No more need to avoid it!
“LIFE CHANGING FOR US!"
“This program took our sex life to the next level. We're in a significantly better place as a couple! This year we added 'Jessa' to our family tradition Thanksgiving tree because we're so grateful we found you.”
your sex life can thrive
Imagine for just a moment that you both look forward to bedtime
... (instead of that awkward tension and open question of maybe tonight)...
...you and partner share a genuine, knowing smile with each other when a sex scene comes on TV (instead of that cringe because of the elephant in the room)...
...the two of you can be playful and flirtatious in the kitchen (without that fear that it might lead to more)...
...You could have the closeness and connection that comes from a strong sex life just 60 days from RIGHT NOW!
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Well, you don’t have to “imagine” any longer. Because... it’s here.
Introducing
The Intimacy With Ease Program
The Simple Step-by-Step Process for taking the stress out of your sex life, or your money back!
- Detailed Training That Guides You Through the Process of Identifying and Eliminating Barriers to Desire!
- Journal Questions and Activities for Connecting as a Couple and Letting Desire Emerge!
- Action Steps to Discover, Honor, and Empower What Would Make Sex Engaging for Both of You!
- A Completely New Approach to Sex and Desire That Means There is No Failure!
Here's what you'll learn
See what's waiting for you when you become a member
uncover the hidden doorway to desire
Access Desire: Create the Path to Both of You Wanting Sex
“It’s Not About Having More Sex, It's About Both of You Wanting It, Right?!”
Having sex just for your partner only increases the sense that it's a chore.
Think about it! Do you want to be having sex only to meet the needs of one you while the other isn't really into it? No! You need a plan to help both of you actually want to be physically intimate!
That's why we dive deep into different ways to access desire.
So how do you put these ideas into practice in your actual life? In your actual relationship?!
- The most important thing you need to understand about how sexual desire actually works
- The most effective ways to overcome the obstacles that block desire
- The most important thing no one told you about the burden of expectations
- How to be responsible for your own pleasure
Build success into your sex life from the ground up
Eliminate Pressure: Take All the Stress Off Your Sex Life
You cannot fail! We need to remove all the things that create pressure and high stakes in our sex life in order for it to be fun and easy. In this section...
YOU'LL LEARN EXACTLY HOW TO DISMANTLE YOUR EXPECTATIONS, REDUCE THE BARRIERS, AND MAKE IT SO EVERY SEXUAL ENCOUNTER FEELS LIKE A WIN!
- THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO APPROACH SEX
so that both of you can look forward to it - HOW YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE KEEPING YOU STUCK
and what to do instead - THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF SEX that allows both of you to enjoy it every time
-
…AND MORE!
Work as a team to totally transform your sex life
Co-Create Enjoyment: Make Sex Fun & Easy For Both of You
“It’s Not Enough to Change How You Think About Sex… it’s Gotta Be Applied in Real Life, Right?!”
Change does not happen from insight alone. We also have to learn to behave differently, to do things differently. That's the beauty of the Intimacy With Ease Program - you get real world activities and exercises to implement everything you learn!
Think about it! Do you learn to ride a bike by reading about it? Journaling about it? No! You need a plan to bring this knowledge into your reality!
That's why we've given you real world steps to take to solidify the changes you want to make.
Do you want to get part way through and then stop right before you're about to have a breakthrough? Of course not!
So how do you put these ideas into practice in your actual life? In your actual relationship?!
- The 3 most powerful exercise you can use to take the stress out of sex
- The most effective ways to look forward to sex
- The most important thing no one told you about the upside of being selfish
- How to increase the spark in your sex life
This is great, but...
What if there's a lot going on my life right now?
This is about the time where you might be saying, “We have some big stuff going on (or our kids are right in the middle of baseball season or my partner is working hard trying to get that promotion)... Shouldn’t I focus on that first?" NO.
The Time Is Never Right, and the Best Time Is Now!
There will always be reasons to put off dealing with the issues in your sex life. There's always something that can seem more important. You may be thinking, "But maybe once X, Y, and Z happen, it'll be easier." Sound familiar?
...but isn't this exactly how the elephant showed up the room?!
I don't want you to live even one more day burdened by the guilt, the worry, the stress, the heartbreak, the pressure, and the distance with your partner. Every day that goes by like this is eroding the strength of your relationship.
...avoiding this is actually making it worse. and WAY more stressful!
Don't keep putting this off
So Let Me Help You Decide To Invest In Your Relationship
If you were going to come to an in person workshop with me to learn these exact same strategies, you'd pay close to $5000. Even my clients in my sex therapy practice pay over $200 per hour to get the same information.
When You Enroll in Intimacy With Ease, You’re Getting The Culmination of More Than a Decade of Sex Therapy Experience With Hundreds of Couples!
THE MONEY BACK GUARANTEE
That Lets You Sleep Easily At Night!
The fact that you’re reading this section means you already know giving your sex life some attention will improve your relationship, but perhaps you still have a bit of doubt. Hesitation. Risk. I get it. Like…
"This sounds too good to be true! How am I supposed to know this is really what I need?”
Well… that’s simple. Try it.
Guarantee:
Test-Drive The Program for 30 Days
Sign up and dive in. We want you to be satisfied with your purchase, but we also know that your success will hinge on whether you put in the work necessary to succeed. If after the first 30 days and finishing the first module, you feel as though I haven't provided the actionable ideas, structure, and insight that are the roadmap to easy intimacy, I will happily refund your money in full.
Just email me within the first 30 days of signing up (ending at 11:59 PM Pacific time) and provide proof of your work. i will provide a full refund. This is my guarantee to you.
And there is more!
When you enroll, you'll also get these awesome bonuses:
Bonus #1
The Entice Your Partner Program
What if I had a whole program just to help you talk to your partner about this and get them enthusiastically on board to work on your sex life together? That’s exactly what we’ve done with this $497 gift... yours free!
My team and I developed a whole course that helps you focus on the things you can change that make the topic of sex safe and approachable for your partner. Even if you've given up hope that your partner will come around, this course gives you a whole new way to melt their defensiveness or resistance!
- The Ultimate Communication skills
Learn powerful ways to talk about even the hardest subjects so that both of you are heard and understood! - Emotional Intimacy and Relationship Health
Sex happens in the context of your relationship. Make sure yours is running on all cylinders so that any barriers to sex melt away! - Change Your Steps
Understand the dance the two of you have around sex (and not having sex), and identify exactly what you can do differently to change the dynamics. - Approach Your Partner
Learn how to frame this conversation in a way that builds goodwill and makes it easy for them to say yes.
Bonus #2
Live Coaching Support
Imagine just how much easier it will be to improve your sex life and desire when you and your partner can get support as you go through the process! That's why I'm offering THREE months in my coaching membership group at no extra charge (and just $47 per month after that):
- ASK QUESTIONS AND GET DIRECT FEEDBACK in online sessions that are only available to students in the program.
- SEPARATE MEETINGS FOR HIGHER DESIRE PARTNERS AND LOWER DESIRE PARTNERS so you can be among others who share your experience.
- ANONYMOUS Q & A SESSIONS. Submit questions in advance and watch the recordings if you can't be there live
- GET THE HELP YOU NEED TO KEEP GOING instead of getting derailed if you hit a bump in the road
Bonus #3
The Emotional Intimacy Bonus Bundle
What if I gathered up all kinds of activities that build emotional intimacy and connection for you? That’s exactly what we’ve done with this $997 gift... yours free!
My team and I have spent weeks collecting the best and most creative conversations, activities, and exercises and have put them together in this bonus bundle for you and your partner!
- The Ultimate Conversational Prompts
No more wondering what to talk about that isn't the kids, the weather, or the job! - Romance, Romance, Romance
We've gathered ideas for date night, romantic movies, and thoughtful gestures! - Go deeper with these exercises
Use these tools to explore your values and vision
"WE ARE FREE!"
”Taking this course has transformed the way we think about intimacy. We are now able to enjoy each other without putting pressure on ourselves. Connection is now the main goal over a physical outcome. We think of our intimate time together as play now. We are no longer trapped in a cage we built with our own hands.”
“I'M LIKE, LET'S GO!”
“I'd had massive guilt around the fact that it was my body that was the problem. I was the reason we couldn't have sex. Even a kiss could lead to a request for sex, but I had such incredible pain. This is such a huge weight off of me, truly a f&#@$ing breakthrough, to find new ways to be sexy together!"
you'll receive instant access
So, Let's Recap
When you join Intimacy With Ease, you'll receive instant access to everything you need to bridge your desire discrepancy so you can feel totally close, connected, and secure in your relationship! Including...
- The Essential Training Modules every couple needs in order to create their best possible sex life!
- Journal prompts for each step of the process to apply the ideas in your life!
- Real World Exercises and Action Steps for creating lasting transformation!
- Three Months of Support so you and your partner can successfully apply this process.
- Emotional Intimacy Building Conversations and Activities to make sure we're not just focusing on sex at the exclusion of your emotional connection.
- And much, more more!
Deciding to improve your sex life is aimed at one thing:
Creating Your Best Possible Relationship
Think about it! Every great change or transformation you’ve experienced ALWAYS began with a DECISION. Have you ever considered that one of the biggest reasons your sex life is struggling is because you have been unable to make a decision and BACK that decision with committed action?!
I want to give you the opportunity to CHOOSE! Choose to solve this problem or not. Choose to let more time go by - with more hard feelings for both you AND your partner - or...
...Choose to tackle this head on as an investment in your own well-being and the strength of your relationship!
But CHOOSE Quickly!
If you put this off, what will change? Don’t wait! You can get started today!
Join Now & Create The Fun and Easy Sex Life Your Relationship Deserves!
ENROLL NOW →“FOR NORMAL PEOPLE WHO WANT SEX TO BE EASY!"
“i was looking for something like this for years. I tried all kinds of things, from woo-woo tantra stuff to run of the mill programs. Yours is so different. The whole system works. It gave me actual steps to take to make easy wins, and it made it easy to talk to my partner and work with him to create a positive cycle.”
This is for you if:
- You're in an otherwise happy relationship but somehow sex has become the problem
- You want the very best relationship with your partner that you can have
- You want to work on this as a team with your partner; you want to do your part to make things better
This is not for you if:
- Your relationship needs a lot of work before you can even address sex
- You don't care about whether your partner is happy or not
- You just want your partner to change and aren't willing to look at how you contribute to the problematic dynamics
Frequently Asked Questions
What makes students who have taken the course successful?
Shouldn't sex be natural if you're with the right person?
I'm struggling with (insert: pain, sexual dysfunction, chronic illness). Will this course work for me?
Can I do this course without my partner?
How much time will it take to complete the course?
What can I expect when I join?
Can I get a refund if I'm not happy?
How long do I have access to the course?
I'm here to help
My Name is Jessa
I help people who long to share a great sex life with their partner, but who find themselves feeling distant, disconnected, anxious or at odds about sex instead because they've struggled with desire discrepancy.
I’ve taken everything I’ve learned as an AASECT certified sex therapist and the experiences I’ve had working with hundreds and hundreds of couples over the years to craft a program to help you transform your sex life into something you both look forward to.
Intimacy With Ease is not just a description of the problem and what’s got you stuck; it’s an implementation program that walks you through a process where you can change your experience.
Yes, you’ll learn about myths and mindsets that will reframe sex for you, but you’ll also go through a step by step process to have the conversations that matter, to identify what you each need to change, and to practice these changes so they become integrated into your sex life.
The end result: ease and joy in your sex life that will help you adapt to any challenges you face now or in the future.
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